Originally published on meticpress.com
One of the leading causes of stress in a partnership is financial discussions, and there are many reasons why this factor continues to be a major contributing cause to failed marriages (as there is typically never one sole cause). When a couple experiences financial hardship, discussing money becomes a downward spiral if this topic of discussion has not been appropriately addressed or adequately communicated before a challenging economic time. So many marriages ultimately fail, in part, when partners avoid openly discussing their finances due to a spouse’s or both spouse’s insecurities, an inability or refusal to maturely discuss financial matters effectively, or an overall lack of determining financial compatibility (knowledge, expectations, agreement, compromise, etc.) prior to entering a marriage.
Matthew Cambó, a Florida family law attorney, serves many clients going through a divorce. He witnesses how many couples wanting to end their marriage need help from the court system sorting out financial matters due to the inability to compromise on any topic of money. When times get tough for any marriage, and financial troubles such as unemployment or debt to income ratios create stricter budgets, Cambó offers these five tips to help any couple improve their marriage despite times of economic hardship.
Tip #1. Start Talking
One of the most challenging things for a couple to do if they struggle with financial compatibility is to open up about their financial baggage. Instead of avoiding financial discussions during hard times, take the issue as an opportunity to open healthy communications with your partner; not by pointing fingers or blaming your spouse, but instead, by expressing your desire to tackle the problem as a team. Try openly discussing with your partner why you struggle to discuss finances. If you’ve married someone you love and trust, he or she should welcome the chance to help address your financial concerns and, hopefully, nurture your willingness to share your vulnerability.
Tip #2. Build a Goal Together
If you and your spouse are routinely on the wrong financial page, especially when money is tight, you and your spouse may be overdue for creating a proactive financial plan together that incorporates both of your goals. Establishing a financial plan helps couples work as a team towards reaching mutual goals and reducing the unanticipated stresses of family money management, rather than one person bearing most of the burden, then trying to micromanage or control the financial actions of the other spouse. Following the golden rule positively with your spouse will typically lead to a better relationship overall, not just in your financial relationship.
Tip #3. Take the Stress Out of Budget
The word “budget” can often create more stress for couples who have not had the opportunity to see what great financial doors a budget can open. Start small by addressing one area of your spending that could be adjusted (e.g. eating out of the home, luxury spending, unused monthly subscriptions, etc.) and build from that if it works. Try to be positive in your approach, with a non-critical and improvement-oriented mindset, to show the benefits budgeting can create for your marriage. Also, don’t freak out or give up if you or your partner have hiccups along the way. It’s a long-term work in progress to reach your goals. You don’t want to lose all progress because of a single misstep. You can get back on track.
Tip #4. Say No to Financial Infidelity
Financial infidelity is when one spouse keeps damaging financial secrets from the other, breaking strong marriage values of honesty and trust. Years of financial tension and resentment can cause either or both spouses to succumb to financial infidelity, sometimes unknowingly. Hidden bank accounts, secret debt and spending, private purchases for non-marital purposes, and clandestine gambling are all signs of an unhealthy and unfaithful financial relationship with your spouse.
Tip #5. Try Three Bank Accounts
Conflicts created by spouses’ differences in spending habits or contributions to joint expenses can drive a large wedge in their relationship, which continues to grow with each incident and leads to divorce if left unresolved. Perhaps creating a third account for marital expenses, which each party can contribute to, could help mitigate this issue while still providing each spouse with a sense of autonomy and control.
About Matthew Cambó
Matthew Cambó is an associate attorney with Leinoff & Lemos, P.A. He has been recognized by Best Lawyers in America 2022 due to his exceptional focus on serving clients in family law matters. Mr. Cambó has a degree in Political Science and a J.D. from the University of Miami School of Law. He is licensed to practice in Florida and is a member of the Family Law and Young Lawyers sections of the Florida Bar.